The Herbivores Dilemma

Some boys take a beautiful girl,
And hide her away from the rest of the world.
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun.
Oh,girls, they wanna have fun. -Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cindy Lauper

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Often times we let one negative experience mar all contemporaneous memories. Let’s not do that anymore. Instead let’s rejoice in the positive experiences and  I’ll show you a selection of captured moments from some of the greatest memories from this overall spectacular year.

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Happy New Year and I hope you had as fantastic of a year as I did and that this coming year brings you bountiful happiness, soul fulfillment, continued zeal for life, and innumerable smiles.

It feels like nobody’s on your side no access to your pride
You gotta learn to take control, your whole body is a temple so
You’ve got a choice to make and your mind is what’s at stake
So before we build this love please believe that you’re good enough -You Don’t Have To Believe, Eric Hutchinson

So…it’s been a month. Finally. It’s been a month of ups and downs, dreams and nightmares, laughter and tears. All in all it has been the best and the worst month of my life. These 4 weeks will forever remind me of the horror, hatred, and selfishness that lives in our society, but will also remind me of the boundless love, compassion, and selfLESSness that lives in every person I encounter.  It has been an unusual way to prepare my heart and mind for the Christmas season, but I have been humbled to no end and underneath the shallow scars and superficial (emotional) wounds, I am bounding with joy. Honestly! You have to believe me on this one, it’s true!

In the past month I have:

• had wonderful friends and family secure and move me into a gorgeous new apartment with the most spectacular view of the city
• taken a trip to the west coast to spend time with old friends and relax in the comfort of an old community
• been accepted to an incredible medical school!
• geared up at work to begin 2 huge trials after the start of the New Year!
• healed the terrible tendonitis I developed during my marathon. (aka taken time off from the gym)
• hosted 7 amazing overnight guests  to my new abode
• been back home to New Hampshire on 2 separate occasions
• hosted a small Christmas party for my dearest Philly friends (or will have by Sunday…)
• worn an excessive amount of sweatpants
• lived without TV or internet and consequently jammed out to my vinyl every day.
• received 2 batches of decadent, delicious brownies
• laughed myself to tears more times than can be counted on 2 hands.
• shared the experience of a  seven-course Moroccan feast with an incredible friend. Still full. Ugh.
• Been overwhelmed by love.

The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain -The Space Between, Dave Matthews

After a life-altering trauma, one never knows how to react. Neither the victim nor their friends. No one knows what to expect, how long recovery takes, what recovery looks like, how soon life is going to go back to normal. Everything feels like uncharted territory. Unfortunately for me, I was on the losing end of the life-altering trauma, but just like everyone else around me, I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. Through the years I’ve watched countless movies and read dozens of books about women who mope and lose their ability to function after a breakup, people who fall into depression after house fires, who turn into prostitutes or strippers after rape, and people who lose their zeal for life when overcome by fear or grief. I anticipated a dramatic change, but it never came. Sure I became scared, hurt, and confused, but most of all I became frustrated when 24 hours had passed and I didn’t have my normal life back. For me, its not the huge, apparently obvious changes in Lauren that I wear as my scars of this event, but its the small ways this event has manifested itself in my life that scare me the most. It is

• having to force myself to pick up my head when walking about town
• making eye contacts with strangers
• going to the bathroom without first looking behind the shower curtain
• turning off the night light before bed
• trying to stop my heart from racing every time I walk into an unlit room
• reminding myself that the strangers on the bus do not know who I am or what has happened
• finding the confidence to wear clothes that actually fit and flatter my body well